The Princess Myth

A Princess??

Princess according to Miriam Webster:
a female member of a royal family ; especially: a daughter or granddaughter of a sovereign

I’m going to get on a little soap box for a minute
(those outspoken types can do that from time to time – story for another post). Here goes...

I have always had a problem with the whole princess concept. Parents sometimes call their daughters Princess, they tell them they are princesses and Disney makes millions (maybe billions) on the idea of the Princess (and the Prince).

Honestly, it makes me sick. Very few people on the face of this Earth are princesses (seriously, we could count them up)...or so I thought. To me the idea of teaching my daughter that she is a princess is like saying: the world revolves around you honey – get used to it! Well, that isn’t true. [Myth]

A household does often revolve around a new baby – at least initially. Families that never move beyond spending every waking minute telling the child she is perfect and a princess becomes, in my opinion, dysfunctional. Child = center. Child gets disappointed. Parents (and others) work harder to let child know she is the center of the universe. Child grows up and realizes it was all a lie. Child (now adult) is waiting for handouts and for someone to fix her problems. How do I know this? I work with adult students at a university and many of them suffer from this experience.

When I think about a princess I think about people in training to become the queen. Queens sit on thrones (at least in my head). Princesses look pretty, wear nice things, comb their hair and live a self-centered existence (check out Disney). They don’t have or respect their mothers. They are selfish.

Now I must admit that I was never a girly-girl. My sister was but I wasn’t. I did do ballet and tap for many years, enjoyed crafts and wore braids and a few dresses. However, I loved to collect worms (and scare my mother), swing from ropes, play in the creek, ski, camp and more. My girliest interest: Strawberry Shortcake and her clan.

I am so thankful my mother didn’t raise me to be a princess in the traditional sense (sit around, expect doting, and wait for the knight in shining armor – another princess-associated myth that brings heartbreak after heartbreak for many teenage and adult-age women).

As the mother of a 3 year old daughter, I’ve realized how difficult it is to shield my child from this whole Disney/pop-culture princess deal. Some GOOD NEWS (an a-ha moment) occurred in the last year when a Christian mom of three (including one daughter) pointed out that all Christian girls/women are all daughters of THE KING – The King of kings. That by definition makes us princesses. [Myth Buster]

After pondering this for a while, I realized that I could let go of some of the anti-princess approach I’d been taking. Instead, I focused my attention on promoting the following with my daughter:
a. Becoming a daughter of the King (salvation)
b. Living like Jesus (the Prince of Peace)
c. Being a Princess who serves others (versus just looking pretty while being waited on/spoiled rotten by others)

Now some of you might read this and think I was off the deep end – princesses are a part of every little girl’s life but honestly, this concept DID NOT work for my family. Sorry. Now armed with the new princess focused on loving God (King), loving Jesus (Prince) and loving others (the commoner) I have semi-embraced this approach for my daughter being a Princess.

Perhaps this will help her to avoid so much heartache from expecting too much from others and waiting for a guy to come along and rescue her. (It must be a difficult a challenge for those guys - being a Prince and meeting the needs of his Princess??)

Think about it…helping girls to grow up to become women with at least one less area of misunderstanding in their own lives.

My daughter seeing herself as the daughter of the King (a princess) – wow! That sounds great and is really the most important role we have as Christian parents (stewards of the children with whom God has blessed us)!

Other revelations:
-I am a Princess (as much as that use to turn my stomach)...a daughter of the King
-My son is a Prince, a son of the King of kings

Go, take this “new” role and live as a child of God by showing love to the Commoner. And, no matter what mistakes you have made (like Tamar), you can still be used by God. Keep your intensions pure and He will use you - even if you are ill-equipped or have repeatedly made poor choices (as evidenced in my own life!).

Go, love your King by loving others. Be ready to be used in a mighty way by the King of kings...you Princess (or Prince).

A Prince!

(overalls and all - ready to work alongside his Princess sister!)

(In case you were wondering, these are my children:

G just turned 3 yrs. & Z is 21 months.)

Smarter Than We Look

Ms. Understood...ok, so let's just start out with the tough subject...Do I believe women and men are equal? I loved Jen's thought...while we are equal, we are not the same. We should celebrate our differences, but it can be a daily struggle. Let's face it...I am NOT a "prissy" girl. I love sports and don't really like to shop. Being a female Ministry Leader on a church staff over the last several years has been...well, interesting. It is tough...especially the years where I was the ONLY female leader...and the first female leader the church had ever hired...then there is the whole "Single, never married thing". Where was THIS book then? Ms. Understood...I think that was actually my "title". Oh the roller coaster of it all! =) However, I wouldn't trade the friendships, love, and lessons learned there! God is just awesome in how HE weaves things together! Which brings us to Tamar and some of the lessons I am learning. (yep, active in that...learning NOT learned)

T: Tapestry
As Tamar we are a beautiful tapestry that God is weaving thread by thread. The final masterpiece won't even be revealed on this side of heaven! Look at Tamar...it doesn't tell us that she KNEW she would be in the lineage of Jesus, but she is one of only a few females mentioned in Matthew 1. God's weaving us into a beautiful masterpiece, but sometimes the threads break, we get worn or torn, but God's got the final tapestry all planned.
A: Assess the Situation
It doesn't tell us that Tamar went "kicking and screaming" back to her father's house. She doesn't appear to get all emotionally "out of control", but it does tell us she wanted to have kids. How disheartening that must have been. She didn't fly off the handle, but she also didn't just roll over and die. She used her brain. She stepped back (although "sent" home) and assessed the situation before making her move.
M: Masterful Movement
When the time was right, she "made her move". I often jump in emotionally without being masterful. If God tells me something is "right", then sometimes I have to wait for the perfect opportunity to "make my move".
A: Action
Take action! When God opens the door, gives the green light, or provides the opportunity then it is our job to "go for it". In Tamar's case, Judah was coming her way. Tamar didn't just decide to "have kids" with just anyone...she went for the lineage that was supposed to be hers...as it turned out...the lineage of Christ! Our lesson, when it's time to be BOLD then go for it! We don't pick fights or stir up issues, but take action when needed.
R: Reflect God's Glory
The bottom line...do the things that give God glory. For everything we do should be something that will reflect God's Glory. It's all for HIM. In Tamar's story...Judah had to admit that Tamar was actually doing that better than he was.

To quote one of my co-workers...work smarter, not harder!

JJ

He Knows My Name

I have to admit, I was a little resistant to buying, picking up, and reading this book because in my mind I was thinking; “Oh great; another hot pink feminist book trying to make me feel like I should stand up against men, they should respect me first and then if I choose to I will respect back, etc.” BUT after reading the first chapter I couldn’t put it down. Many times I have been reading in my room out loud (I do that a lot-that’s how I learn) and when I start busting up laughing because Jen Hatmaker is so vulnerable, passionate, real, honest, and says it how it is; kind of like me sometimes (so I have been told), my family members wonder who in the world I am talking to and laughing with; I just say; “Don’t worry. It’s just Jen Hatmaker- the author of this awesome book I’m reading about what/who God thinks/says I am in Him and its so excited and joy-giving!”
Even a few guys at the church youth group sarcastically asked; “What’s up with the girly hot pink book your reading?” and I was quick to wrap up the book in a few sentences that went something like this; “I know it looks like a lame feminist girl book, but it is so cool and this author who is a pastors wife goes through the 4 women in Jesus’ genealogy and she is so passionate about God, how we are his princesses/daughters, and she has such a heart for the hurting/outcasts/needy/poor/shunned people of our world, which I really love.”
I can really relate to Jen’s heart/passion/compassion for other hurting/oppressed/persecuted women and children in our world; “When I hear of our Islamic sisters being beaten into submission and of the genital mutilation performed on the five-year-old girls of some African groups, my heart cries out for holy intervention. The baby girls of China are thrown out like garbage, and Vietnamese families are selling their daughters into sex trafficking for $150 or less” (Ch.#1 - pg. 19). Psalm 103:6; The Lord works righteousness and justice for ALL the oppressed.
I enjoy reading how Jen reminds us through God’s word that; “As a woman, you are precious and worthy, important and necessary. You hold value within your relationships, and, more important, you were credited with value the moment you were born. That basic human value transformed into a stunning holiness when you took the name of Christ. Before you were a daughter, sister, wife, mother, you were a delight to God, who designed your every facet and sent you to earth, a gift to all who would know you.” (Ch.#2 pg. 42). Psalm 139:13,15-16; You created my inmost being . . . My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
One of my favorite quotes of Jen because I can relate at least 3 days a week when I walk the halls of ASU or malls of Scottsdale; “So help me, I’ve had it. If I see another vacant, self-absorbed socialite carrying a little dog and posing for cameras with that practiced glance over the shoulder, I’m going to vomit. I would love to wrap my hands around their underfered little noodle necks and make them put their cleavages away and wear some underwear, because my daughter is a tween, and as God is my witness, the first time she speaks one adoring word about Britney, Paris/Nicole, Jessica, Christina, or “L.L.” it’s only a mater of time before I’m named in a restraining order.” (Ch.#3 pg. 51).
If you have never read about Tamar’s life crack open your Bible right now to Genesis and see what this woman went through, and at first glance you may think; wow what a sinful little whore, but God used her in magnificent and wonderful ways. Have you ever noticed that God does not create junk/trash, but he creates treasures. We (us judgmental and sinful people) make people look like junk. God used a lot of “sinful” people in the Bible to do His work and bring Him glory. The 4 women in Jesus’ genealogy were all prostitutes/harlots in some way. Read Tamar’s story below;
In Genesis chapter 38, Tamar is first described as marrying Er, the eldest son of Judah;[2] according to the text, God killed Er because he was wicked (although it doesn't give any further details),[3] and so Judah asked his second son, Onan, to have sex with Tamar, so that the offspring could be declared Er's heir.[4] The narrative implies that Onan didn't object to the sex itself, but performed coitus interruptus so that there wouldn't be any offspring he couldn't claim as his own, so God killed him.[5] Judah is portrayed as viewing Tamar to be cursed, and is therefore reluctant to give her to his remaining son, Shelah;[6] he first tells Tamar to act like a widow, until Shelah, the youngest son, has grown up,[6] and then when he finally does, he still won't give Tamar to Shelah in marriage.[7]
According to the text, after Judah's own wife had later died,[8] he decided to use a prostitute at Enaim; the prostitute in question was Tamar, who wore a veil, making herself unrecognisable.[9] The passage goes on to state that Judah offered to pay her a goat in arrears, but she asked for Judah's staff and seal as security towards this payment;[10] having given her this security, he made her pregnant,[11] but when he later sends the goat, she has gone and taken the seal and staff with her.[12] The text states that three months later, Judah is told that Tamar had been acting as a prostitute, and had become pregnant as a result, so he orders that she should be burnt to death;[13] Tamar sent a message to Judah with his signet ring and cords and staff; and announced that the owner of the items is the father of the children. Judah recognises them, stating that she is more righteous than he is. Judah, afterwards, takes her in to his house, but does not have any more sexual relations with her. Tamar later gives birth to twins (Perez and Zarah). Perez is in King David and Jesus Christ' lineage.[14]

No matter what you have done in your past; sin, regrets, guilt, etc. . . . . God can still use you for His glory. Believe me; I am living proof of this. Every Christian woman is. We weren’t born God’ children/daughters of The King/princesses .. . . . .that happened once believed in Jesus and what He did for us on the cross/started living for Him instead of ourselves/once we started following Christ/accepted Him/chose to remove ourselves from the throne of our lives and put Him there. Righteousness, justification, sanctification, and holiness take time; even once we think we have it all together/that we are doing good/think we are a pretty good Christian . . . . we fall – flat on our face. Why? Because we live in a sinful world and we are humans with sinful and human hearts. If it wasn’t for failures, mistakes, sin, wrong choices, temptation, and living in a fallen world I think I would forget that I need a Savior and His name is Jesus. Through suffering, pain, trials, and hard times we are humbled, made more like Him, draw closer to God, and realize and understand that we need Him above all else.
As a 1st-born, A-type, strong-willed, stubborn, passionate, loud woman . . . . . . its very easy for me to go through my busy days without stopping to realize, thank, and acknowledge God in my accomplishments and productiveness. When I look back at my day, week, month, and sometimes year I am humbled and at the same time shocked at how many times I allow myself to do things on my own without Him and they are usually times that do not go so smoothly and then I look at the times that I did have faith, hope, and trust in God; those are the times that not only was I able to bless others, but in return God blessed me too.
Thank you God, Tamar, and Jen Hatmaker for reminding me who I am in Christ; God’s daughter and princess, a child of The King, special, unique, wonderfully made, made for a purpose, and that I am here on earth to bring glory to His name and glorify Him in everything I say and do; wow – what a challenge we have before us; that WWJD thing isn’t so cheesy after all because I feel the important need to take every thought, word, and action captive and ask myself before I say or do anything if it glorifies God is vital in today’s world.

Who Am I???

OK, I have to be honest, when I first started reading this book I didn't think I would like it at all. I am reading a book now called "Help Meet" by Debi Pearl- which I also recommend; however, it is a completely conservative book about how we are to be our husbands helper. I think most people have a horrible view on what it means to submit and I won't get into that now, but I don't think it has to be one way or another. After reading the first couple chapters of this book I realized that we can serve others so much easier if we can hold onto the TRUTH of what GOD thinks of us and not of what others are thinking of us.
I LOVE the way Jen reminds us how God loves us and views us...
"You are the work of my hands; I'm showing off through you." (Isaiah 60:21)
"I have chosen you, and my Son prays for you when you feel condemned." (Romans 8:33-34)
That is so important to remember everyday. Ladies- we should be memorizing these verses and repeating them over and over in our minds!

If you have any question who you are in Christ, PLEASE read Ephesians. I think the first few verses speak volumes.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
In him we were also chosen,having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.


WOW!!! Are we going to believe what others tell us or are we going to agree with our Maker and Savior that we are holy and blameless?!!

I recommend this book to anyone who has had someone tell them they aren't good enough, because you are! We are each uniquely made by God and he loves us all so much! :)

Label Maker

I laughed out loud when I read Jen's description of herself in chapter 1. If I didn't know any better, I would swear she was describing me.

"White, middle class, daughter of functional parents, minister's kid, honor student, little Miss Churchy Churcherton, teacher, pastor's wife, soccer mom, suburban dweller, Bible teacher, Starbucks enthusiast."

I am a label maker and at some point have used all of the above to try and define who I am. Not sure why I have the incessant need to label. Maybe it's because I need things to fit into their nice little box in order for my world to make sense. Maybe it's because I have an ongoing battle within myself between who I am vs. who I think I should be. What a relief it was to find out that I don't need to find my identity this way. Instead of putting a label on myself (or letting others do it for me) I should be asking, "God, who do YOU say I am"?

Here is what Jen has to say in chapter 1.
"Our design was invented in the heavens, sisters. We are uniquely formed for God's glory. We are deliberate and beautiful, diverse and powerful, sealed by the name of the Most High. He took great care to create us, every detail and facet. In Him our identity is settled. We are daughters of the King-valued, adored, crucial. Anyone else's take on us is irrelevant."
Did you read that? "In Him our identity is settled. We are daughters of the King-valued, adored, crucial. Anyone else's take on us is irrelevant."
Translation: labels mean nothing. Our identity comes from HIM and HIM alone.

In chapters 1-3 we read the story of Tamar, another woman who lived by labels...Canaanite, widower, childless, flawed....Not all flattering labels to say the least, but you see, just like me, Tamar didn't need labels to define her. It didn't matter what others thought about her or how she perceived herself. She was welcomed into the lineage of Jesus anyway. Her labels didn't disqualify her. God used Tamar and he can use you and me despite ourselves.

The Bible says in Psalms 139:13,15-16: "You created my inmost being...My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body, all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."


If you have not gotten this book yet, I suggest you run, not walk, to your nearest Christian bookstore and pick up a copy. It is captivating, inspiring, and absolutely hysterical! I want to be Jen's friend. She is witty, engaging and this book completely destroyed any preconceived notions I had on being a Godly woman. Thanks Jen for reminding us that we find our identity in HIM.

Ms. Understood? Get Smart!

I Y the title of this book! All women think they are Ms. Understood. But ask yourself this...
God - who do YOU say I am?
Identity in Christ is really all the understanding you need.

Men vs. women; the battle of the sexes; girls rule, guys drool; we've all led a cheer at some point in our life to take a stand for our gender. But how about a new cheer?
GIVE ME AN E ! GIVE ME A Q ! GIVE ME A U - A - L !!

Not only are we created as equals, we are equally blessed by God. How awesome is that?!

When I was young I wanted to play 2nd base for the St. Louis Cardinals. In my mind I was convinced it was possible. Obviously this lofty goal I set for myself did not come to fruition! I didn't give up, I simply understood it wasn't in the cards (no pun intended). I mean, God gives us grace, but he didn't exactly give me grace, if you know what I mean! I used to play coed softball with my husband and decided it just wasn't for me when I made all 3 outs in one inning for our team! I was the best player the other team had!

Jen says in her book, 'Unique from each other yet set together, we are mankind. We are gifted differently but our power is in our union'. While men and women are equal, it does not mean we are the same.

A perfect example: I love giving cards for special occasions. I mean, cards are just fun to look at and you know how exciting it is when you find the perfect card for someone? I think this is a woman thing because guys just don't care! No really - trust me - they don't! I have given many a perfect card to my husband's guy friends and I'm still waiting on a reaction, from ALL of them. I've been told over and over again by my husband that I'm wasting my time - and our money - but I keep doing it. Now if I gave a perfect card to a girl friend, she would proudly put it on display, show it to all her friends and have a hard time throwing it away.

When I think of Tamar, there would have been several opportunities for me to spend time picking out a perfect card for her. She went through so much! I could give her mulitple sympathy cards going through the death of 2 husbands, some good girlfriend cards she would need for a good laugh after dealing with her father-in-law, and finally a congratulations card on the birth of her twin sons.

Ah Tamar - now that's one smart cookie! A little harlot perhaps, but smart! Theoretically (stressing this word!), I know I've been where she was. I've been used and gone through mourning. I can wear black with the best of them. But, I can pull myself out of that mourning and live again.

Was I always this way? HECK no! As I've grown as a woman, I find all kinds of strength and street smarts I definitely did NOT possess as a teenager or young adult. I used to think it was cute to be dumb. The dumb blondes got all of the attention from the boys so why not just play dumb? I mean, it wasn't Andrea Zuckerman that the guys were in to, it was Donna Martin and Kelly Taylor (Julie - the 90210 reference was for you!). There was a girl in my youth group who was a dumb blonde. Once in Sunday School she was asked to read scripture out loud and she said, "Do not covet your neighbors....butt?!?" She didn't want to say ass - as in donkey - which she obviously did not get. But everyone laughed and in my mind, it got her lots of dates.

Let me end by saying - women - the stupidest thing you can do is dumb yourself down!!! My husband thinks I am smart and he digs that about me too. God made women to be smart and He entrusted them and their smarts throughout His word. We all have God-given, built-in common sense, let's start putting it to better use!! If Tamar hadn't, a piece of the lineage of Jesus would be missing!

Did I hear you right?

I have the BEST day of this week to share: EASTER SUNDAY! 

Happy Easter! Happy Resurrection Day! Celebrate Jesus! 

Leading up to this joyous day, I have heard some interesting comments and witnessed some different behaviors and God spoke in these scenarios to me: 

1. Mr. Safeway: cPicture this: 10:45 p.m., young guy in his car with a milk shake in hand. 

Windows down, music blaring and Mr. Safeway singing as loud as he can: Mercy Me's hit:

I Can Only Imagine.

Conclusion 1: Not at all what I imagined as I left Safeway that late night ... a sweet reminder from a loving God on Good Friday... the wonder of Heaven is MINE in Jesus's sacrifice of resurrection. 

Conclusion 2: Be loud, be open, be transparent with this holy message of Jesus's sacrifice and God's forgiving love this Easter.

2. Alert from a Facebook Friend: It's Good Friday... Why is Wal-Mart and Target out of jelly beans and peeps already? 

Conclusion 3:  Really? Seriously? Is this a holiday for candy, bunnies and eggs or is it more... to me? my family? my children? Confirmation for me from my God: continue to focus on the sacrifice and the celebration that awaits on Sunday morning. 

Remember, HE is not here... not the peeps and jelly beans... Amazingly, the tomb was empty ... concentrate on this truth ... it's sweeter than candy, healthier and better for the waistline! 

3. Fatherly Justice:  "Yes, it's tax season... my wife is an accountant at work and my daughter needed a dress for Sunday."  

I heard this most-helpful father tell the sales gal at the all-girls clothing store, Justice today. My daughters and I were moved by his thoughtfulness, kindness and genuine care he was pouring out over his young daughter as they shopped together. I was impressed with his willingness to buy a complete outfit with his daughter, understanding that his wife must be swamped with her employment duties. 

Conclusion 4:  Strangely, this father's presence made me think of those closest to Jesus and had to watch him suffer on his way to the cross and on the cross.  The agony and heartbreak they must have felt. I imagine in their mourning, they must have leaned on each other for strength... similar to this father who was picking up the pieces to keep his family going while his wife's duties must be overwhelming. This father was showering his daughter with love rather than complaining of having to shop in such a girlie store that would be uncomfortable for most men. 

I also began to think of the preparation Mary and Mary Magdalene were making to prepare Jesus's body for burial that early Sunday morning.  I imagine they walked in silence to the tomb, thinking on the events of the last days. I can just see their faces, stroked with disbelief as the Angel explains (with such joy): He is not here... HE IS RISEN!  

What would I have done if I had been there? Would I have believed or doubted? Would I react like my favorite team winning a national championship title? a Super Bowl? a World Series title? If I am not cheering or screaming this Easter Sunday morning... something is very wrong. 

So, step it up this Easter, cheer for your SAVIOR! Your Messiah who sets you free! Your rescuer from the evil one... Deliver of sin... Lover of your soul!

4. .Jesus Christ, you need an outfit for Easter!  

So, here we are shopping in Kohl's... I make a quick pit stop in the restroom only to hear a mom (loudly) telling her child,  "Jesus Christ, you need an outfit for Easter."  However, the way I heard it ... her expression sounded like she was talking to Jesus. "Jesus Christ: you need an outfit for Easter" 

I chuckled thinking, no, he doesn't need an outfit... He has RISEN! He is ALIVE... no fancy outfit needed for this celebration. Just Jesus - but, thanks for telling him. 

This mom was trying to convince her child that buying a new outfit was necessary for Sunday. A new outfit can help signify the importance of the celebration, maybe the shedding of the old and welcoming in the new life? I believe in new or old duds, I am confident my God wants my attention... doesn't want me talked into the process of loving him... just to be in a constant communion with him. No, I don't need convincing to dress up for Jesus... he loves me just the way I am.

Enjoy your new life in Christ ... shed the old attitude and be willing to be shrouded in his white cloths of forgiveness and grace. 

In our house, we'll be gathering for a little brunch and will celebrate the victory we have in Jesus... I'll be thanking God for the transparent witness of Mr. Safeway, for an empty tomb and not empty store shelves, for the father who loves his daughter enough to do something uncomfortable to bring her joy, and hoping the Kohl's mom realizes Jesus has RISEN and is clothed perfectly for this celebration in His honor.

Cheer loud, today is game day and our team wins! 

So, can you hear him, now? He's ALIVE! He has RISEN! And you are BLESSED, for you have seen God.