Choices –I couldn’t decide which one to write about this week so you get both:
1. Mothers & what they teach their daughters about Body Image
2. Judging from the outside
Topic #1: Body Image -
This past week I watched a morning news program segment on what mothers teach their daughters about body image without even realizing it. It comes from when we stand in front of mirrors and complain about how our butt looks, how we have “bad” hair, etc. In these situations we aren’t talking about our daughters but we are modeling an attitude and a behavior that they will likely adopt as their own in the coming years. Sad but isn’t that part of how we established some of our own body images (issues, attitudes)?
The recommendations from the segment participants included
a. STOP complaining about your body – especially in front of your children.
b. If you are going to complain, focus on the pants – not your butt. “These pants aren’t flattering ” versus “My butt looks big.” Focus on something that you can change (the pants) and not on God's design/your body.
c. Your hair – really is there such a thing as “bad hair”? Ask a person undergoing chemotherapy about hair. Really, isn’t your hair “good”? Maybe you have messy or thin or stringy or highly textured hair but not bad hair.
d. Be careful. You are modeling behavior that you’ll likely see in your teenager/adult children.
Then I read chapters 6 & 7 in Ms. Understood. Boy was I reminded of three things:
- It’s most important to focus on the light within (and model it for my children)
- Real beauty is on the inside but paying a little attention to the outside isn’t always bad
(That seems to come naturally for us former Tom-boys when the 40s are approaching. It’s called gravity!)
I also wanted to note that people can become obsessive about external beauty (spending hours and hours and tons of money on products and clothes) and not focusing on the inner beauty. This is not healthy. Trust me, I was once a member of a family like this. The judgment from the primpers to the non-primpers can become tiring! Do we really need to point out these external imperfections? No. Instead, commit to highlighting the internal beauty within your family and friends.
- The need to be vulnerable (something that as an oldest child in a large family, a single woman & now a single mother, has had to take a back seat in order to survive from day-to-day – or at least so I think.)
I was also reminded of the importance of not referring to our family rear end as “big”… ! :)
Summary: Think about your words, actions, attitudes and even facial expressions. Celebrate the very special body God provided to you. He made you just the way HE wanted...even if it doesn't match the 90 pound model on the cover of the magazine at the checkout counter.
You are teaching by example. Be sure to teach that YOU are a special gift from God, designed by THE One who also created the universe! You are special. And maybe this role-modeling will wear off on your own attitudes about your imperfect but uniquely-designed body!
Topic #2: Judging from the outside:
Look at this photo.
I think it's human nature (or at least our current culture) to classify people. In Jesus’ time it was Jew/Gentile; circumcised/uncircumcised. In America it is often: white and everything else; native/immigrant (legal or not); educated or not; American or not; white collar/blue collar; working or welfare, etc.
When I became a mother I instantly became a member of a multiracial family. I didn’t think much of it at the time – I was a new Mama falling in love with a precious bundle of joy. I knew I could pretty much love any child with whom God blessed me – period. Thankfully, that was true. However, I didn’t fully comprehend how others would classify/judge my family and/or me specifically.
In the past year, I’ve become aware of the sociological concept of cognitive dissonance – a theory that says it is normal to need to make sense of things that seemingly don’t make sense. That doesn’t always make it easy for those who are members of the family that “doesn’t make sense” to the average onlooker. The Mama bear in me worries about the impact on my kids.
Reading the chapters this week I am reminded that others have traveled this journey before and God had a mighty plan. I think of “Rahab the prostitute” and “Ruth the Moabitess” – “…one for her sin and the other for her heritage (Rahab).” p. 109
We get that at our house too. Well, not actually in our house but when we exit our house and enter a world where people need things to fit together. Here are the looks and comments we’ve received:
- Lesbian women who have adopted kids.
- White woman who sleeps around (One child is biracial black/white and the other is Puerto Rican. In general white people don’t notice this but black people do.)
- Oh, a white woman I could date (from black men)
- Black man’s baby mama (another white woman left by a black man)
- A white woman trying to take the black men (from a black woman)
- My child can’t play with your 2-year old child because she’s black (seriously, that has happened!)
- two white single Christian women – not lovers but rather SISTERS!;
- child with two parents (child of divorce);
- child with a mother (no father at all – yes this is possible);
- a sister who has stepped up and agreed to be an actively involved support network.
Yes, adoption was involved.
What gives me reassurance is that although judged by their behaviors and their race/ethnicity/heritage, God had a large plan for Rahab and Ruth – to be great, great….grandmothers to the Savior of the world!
