rolling eyes

I'm not a prayer warrior. I don't pray elegant, wordy prayers.

My prayer life is simple (and yet complex because I'm taking to my Maker, Father, Healer, Provider, etc.). It's a conversation.

Conversations include talking, thinking, quietness, listening, repeat. Basically it is talk and listen (whether you are my mother, sister, child, friend, colleague, or my God).


Recently, I was a passenger in a car with along with my two little kids. We were waiting for our car to be done at the garage. A one hour wait had turned into 3.5 hours. 2 kids 3 and under. Hot Arizona day. No naps. We were all ready for the car to be finished.

I prayed out loud so all could hear: "God, thank you for our car. Please let our car be ready when we get back to the garage." It came naturally. It was my heart. It was a focus for my children - to pray when in need and even about the little things. Know God. Talk with Him. Trust Him with little issues (and big ones).

The other adult in the car did a quick eye roll and then said - "That is just weird." I explored it more and our driver expressed an opinion that prayer was not like that. I didn't argue. I was too tired, hot, short fused from the day. Instead, I prayed silently that whatever I said (verbally or with body language) would be a good example.

Here is what I came up with: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Again, to me - prayer is a conversation. I talk to my friends about the little things (and the big). It's about asking, seeking, thanking, and asking for others. What happens is a trusting relationship that can bring peace in difficult circumstances and can help us avoid being prideful of our accomplishments in good times.

"THANK YOU GOD for all that you have done, are doing, and will do in my life! Please continue to let me know what you'd like from me - to turn left or right or stop or go. Thank you for listening to me, for providing my needs and so much more!"

My prayers of late include:

• Send me where you'd like me to be.


• Develop self-control in my child.


• Minimize insecurities in my other child.


• Keep us safe.


• Thank you for all you've given to us.


• Please continue to allow me to hear You.


• Peace in my extended family.


• Justice and mercy.


• Thank you for my gainful employment.


• Wherever I am, please use me each day.


• Should you be planning to bring me a husband, please be preparing his heart today.


• You are wonderful. Thank you so much for Jesus!


• Please forgive me when I say the wrong things and have the wrong attitude.


• Please help me to be a better example of Christ's love.

RAK: I recently took in a cat that needed a home. My friend's other cat had been killed by a bobcat. My friend was frantic and needed to find the remaining cat a home. I took it in. (I think I'll be looking for a new home for this cat in a few weeks as it has not integrated well in our home but it was the right thing to do at the time).

Joy in the Unplanned

Have you ever been challenged by negative thoughts or depression? I have never personally suffered from true depression (thankfully) but I have gone through periods where I’ve just wondered: “God, just answer me one question: Why?” And in those journeys, I have sometimes lost the joy that normally accompanies me.

I recently finished a book entitled When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent. This was a very good yet challenging book (I cried through every chapter). Carol writes about our need to let go of our “Isaacs” in order to embrace God’s plan in our lives. An Isaac is any unexpected experience that can/has drastically changed our plans/hopes/dreams for our own future. These are the things we need put aside so that we may move toward His plans/hopes/dreams for our future – even when we don’t like it and/or can’t comprehend the answer to the “why” question.

An Isaac could be:

• The picture you had for your family that has changed as a result of a divorce, death of a spouse, death of a child or incarceration of a family member


• The picture you had for your life that has not been realized
  
• Loss of identity/income/lifestyle when one loses a job


• Loss of health due to cancer or another illness
  
• Birth of a child with special needs, etc.

These are all examples of “Isaacs” as in when Abraham was called to put side his dreams for his son – the son God had promised him and had outlined great plans for years earlier. God was now instructing Abraham to sacrifice his Isaac as an act of obedience. Can you imagine??

Abraham knew and trusted God with THE BEST PLAN and after many years of ‘walking with God’, wise Abraham knew that God must have a mighty plan albeit a different plan and one Abraham couldn’t yet comprehend. In obedience, Abraham literally “laid his Isaac down”.

I actually can imagine this request. I had a very similar request for my child (although God didn’t specifically instruct me to kill my son; FYI, that would just be wrong in the New Testament error in which we live!).

Over the course of less than a year, I had three distinct Isaac moments in which God challenged me to trust Him with His plan. These three distinct moments included:

• The end of a marriage via divorce (changed vision of my family)


• The near loss of a child in which I was called to obedience in the journey (so much so that I changed my child’s middle name to Isaac even before reading this book!)
  
• The death of a close family member (changed vision of my family)


• The incarceration of a close family member (changed vision of my family)

I now consider two of these experiences real blessings in my life. The other…I’m not there yet.

I do trust God that He has THE plan for my family and although the future will always look and feel different than anyone in my family had ever imagined, blessings will come and a close walk with the Lord is the obedience He is currently (and always) seeking…even when there isn’t an answer to: “God, just answer me: Why?”

Are you in a season of your life where the plans you’d made have changed? Have you lost your job? Did your spouse walk out on your marriage/family? Are you terminally ill? Has a close family member died? Are you new to raising a child with special needs? In other words: Does your future look different from what you’d planned?

If you are hurting, I encourage you to consider “Laying Your Isaac Down”, trusting that the Creator of the Universe as an incredible plan for your life regardless of how different that life is from the one you’d dreamed or the one that just seems logical.

Joy can return. Goodness can come out of sorrow and pain. How do I know? I’m a walking testament. He can do amazing things when you trust and obey Him even if you are living the life you hadn’t prayed for…unspeakable pain, seemingly hopeless circumstances, relentless grief, endless sorrow, etc.

Joy defined: “intense happiness of great delight, that which gives rise to this emotion, or on which the emotion centers.”

Understanding authentic joy requires us to focus on “that which gives rise to the emotion”: God. Jesus. Holy Spirit.

As Christians, we have hope! With hope, joy can return…even if the journey is not as we’d have ever planned.

Joy is having God on the inside regardless of what is going on outside! It’s centered around faith, endurance, obedience, love.

Instead of "Why?", a better focus in unexpected circumstances is:
-What next?
-How can I use this experience to bless others?
-What is the next chapter about?

America vs. Socialism vs. Christ

I could summarize my post with this:
You are called, He'll equip you, don't try to convince yourself that you're not qualified.
If Mary was qualified in God's eyes to be the mother of the Savior, you are qualified to make a difference in the life of another human being!

OK, you can stop there. Go forth, do well in His eyes: Love others.
____

But since I can't resist writing more...
I must start out by saying I love America, I love being American, I love my country.

However, I’m a Christian first. I’m a daughter of the King and then an American.

I once lived in a foreign country for about a year as a foreign exchange student. The country was a socialist country.

Socialism in political thought refers to economic theories of social organization advocating collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and a society characterized by equality for all individuals, with an egalitarian mehod of compensation. (Wikipedia)

I remember thinking that this economic approach would never work in the US. However, as a young Christian girl/woman, it made a lot of sense to me. I didn’t see a lot of poverty there. People’s basic needs were met. I also didn’t see a lot of “rich” people. Now, compared to the poverty experienced by much of the world’s population, these people were loaded – but not compared to that American dream/wealth. It was on organized way to redistribute wealth to all.

I don’t want to get into a big debate of Americanism and politics. However, I selected this example to point out that our way isn’t THE way. THE way is God’s way. It's called: Love others.

“Can you imagine:
-If Christians actually believed that God was trying to rescue us from the pit of our own self-addiction?
-What Americans would do if they understood over half of the world was living in poverty?

Do you think they would change the way they live, the products they purchase, and the politicians they elect? If we believed the right things, the true things, there wouldn’t be very many problems on earth.” (p. 176, slightly modified)

Now I must admit that I didn’t check these stats but I’m sure the editors of the book did:
If you make $35,000 annually you are in the top 4% in the world; $50K puts you in the top 1% (me). (p. 177)

The humans on this planet have the resources and the networks to SOLVE some of the world’s problems (hunger/starvation, disease, etc.). Christians have the knowledge and love of THE SOLVER (Savior) of the world’s problems (life vs. death). Those humans are YOU and ME.

It only makes sens that God would have the problems and the solutions right on the planet (yet we don't follow his directives so things don't get solved).

You can be involved in SOLVING a problem(s) in soooo many ways – creativity is a gift God has given us. For example:
- Redistribute your wealth (give money or property)
- Use your resources (time or skills/talents)

What does this look like:
- International missions (Helping a friend or stranger in a far away community)
- Local missions (Helping a friend or stranger in your community or one nearby)

Give to the poor (even if they make poor choices with your resources); feed to hungry; care for orphans, widows, lost, lonely, sick, etc.

You are not:
- Too young or too old
- You are not “unskilled or uncalled”. God equips those He calls for service. You are called in that He has called every Christian of us to help others – to be the hands of feet of Christ.
That means you. That means me.

We all come with our own baggage (thinking we don't have enough time, being greedy, acting helpless or insecure, thinking we don't have anything of value to give, etc...). That includes me (mine is usually the "time issue"). But you know what, the God of the universe can help us overcome those issues. Seriously, if you don't think you have anything to give: Go make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and find someone on the street who looks hungry. Give it to them. "Feed them." This is only the start...


I once had a family member who said (and I quote): “The biggest problem in this state is all of the poor Mexican girls who get pregnant.” Really? Really? Are you serious? I wanted to scream. This was coming from a “wealthy” white woman who was once a teen mother.

I think we could focus on the problems in this world stemming from a lack of love toward others. And the Bible specifically points out that “rich” people have significant challenges in this world.

Since you have to have a computer or access to one to read this, you are probably considered “rich” in the world’s standards (make more than $2/day), what is your role in loving others? Solving the ills of this world? Sharing the love of Jesus with those you know and those you will meet?

The challenge -to focus on:
- Loving God
- Accepting God’s love for you
- Loving others
- Living out His purpose for your life (He has one; he’ll equip you; you’ll be blessed)

And don’t let anyone tell you that you are too powerless, tainted by your background, inferior, broken or young. He called you. He’ll equip you. You’ll bless others. You’ll honor God. You’ll be blessed.

Live with Purpose!
If you are a Christian, perhaps Mary’s reaction will speak to you:
"I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.” – Mary

Darkness

We have all experienced suffering. It’s part of life. Even though I sometimes wish things were different, Christians aren’t immune to suffering. Actually, God uses these times to teach us amazing things.

In the past two years, I have personally experienced three major sufferings. The third one is/was so sad/devastating that the first two seem small in comparison. The ones that now seem small include the "almost" loss of a child and a divorce so you can imagine the scope of the third. I’m not yet ready to write about the third. Maybe I will be - someday. Not now.

How do I know that God teaches us things? Because God has a plan. Can I see the full plan today? Nope but I am starting to get some ideas. Honestly, these are all just guesses at this point.


I think God uses challenging times to prepare us for something that we’d never have recognized on our own. Some would view this as a "sick" approach but I don’t think so. Yes, I wish that my family could have avoided all of the pain associated with these three situations BUT I know that we have a good God and He can/will make good out of these circumstances.
The challenge now: It’s on His timeline and not mine.

You:
If you are traveling through one of those dark times, may you see King David's life/offspring as an example. Even when things in his life did not go as desired/planned, God brought good out of the situations. For example, Jesus was a descendent of David & Bathsheba – a relationship that was not started in a healthy manner!

I often wish God would just “fix” the challenging situations in my life but then I remember, He’s teaching me something.

I need to be:
-Patient
-Faithful
-Observant
-Learning
-Action-oriented
-Faithful (I could say that one over and over!)

May you find joy in the cup of sorrow. May you have a fresh perspective filled with authenticity and courageousness.

May you continue to live your life with passion and purpose. It's always about purpose - even in the darkest of days.

(Yes, I know this books is about the women in Jesus' lineage and that most people this week have/will write about a woman's influence. I just felt lead to write about this topic - a very real one in my life right now.)

Summary:
Christians are not promised an easy ride – actually, quite the opposite.
Seek Him (even when you don’t want to!)


Peace be to you.

Judging & Bodies

Choices –I couldn’t decide which one to write about this week so you get both:
1. Mothers & what they teach their daughters about Body Image
2. Judging from the outside

Topic #1: Body Image -
This past week I watched a morning news program segment on what mothers teach their daughters about body image without even realizing it. It comes from when we stand in front of mirrors and complain about how our butt looks, how we have “bad” hair, etc. In these situations we aren’t talking about our daughters but we are modeling an attitude and a behavior that they will likely adopt as their own in the coming years. Sad but isn’t that part of how we established some of our own body images (issues, attitudes)?

The recommendations from the segment participants included
a. STOP complaining about your body – especially in front of your children.

b. If you are going to complain, focus on the pants – not your butt. “These pants aren’t flattering ” versus “My butt looks big.” Focus on something that you can change (the pants) and not on God's design/your body.

c. Your hair – really is there such a thing as “bad hair”? Ask a person undergoing chemotherapy about hair. Really, isn’t your hair “good”? Maybe you have messy or thin or stringy or highly textured hair but not bad hair.

d. Be careful. You are modeling behavior that you’ll likely see in your teenager/adult children.

Then I read chapters 6 & 7 in Ms. Understood. Boy was I reminded of three things:
- It’s most important to focus on the light within (and model it for my children)

- Real beauty is on the inside but paying a little attention to the outside isn’t always bad
(That seems to come naturally for us former Tom-boys when the 40s are approaching. It’s called gravity!)

I also wanted to note that people can become obsessive about external beauty (spending hours and hours and tons of money on products and clothes) and not focusing on the inner beauty. This is not healthy. Trust me, I was once a member of a family like this. The judgment from the primpers to the non-primpers can become tiring! Do we really need to point out these external imperfections? No. Instead, commit to highlighting the internal beauty within your family and friends.

- The need to be vulnerable (something that as an oldest child in a large family, a single woman & now a single mother, has had to take a back seat in order to survive from day-to-day – or at least so I think.)


I was also reminded of the importance of not referring to our family rear end as “big”… ! :)

Summary: Think about your words, actions, attitudes and even facial expressions. Celebrate the very special body God provided to you. He made you just the way HE wanted...even if it doesn't match the 90 pound model on the cover of the magazine at the checkout counter.

You are teaching by example. Be sure to teach that YOU are a special gift from God, designed by THE One who also created the universe! You are special. And maybe this role-modeling will wear off on your own attitudes about your imperfect but uniquely-designed body!


Topic #2: Judging from the outside:

Look at this photo.

Honestly, how would you describe (categorize) this family?

I think it's human nature (or at least our current culture) to classify people. In Jesus’ time it was Jew/Gentile; circumcised/uncircumcised. In America it is often: white and everything else; native/immigrant (legal or not); educated or not; American or not; white collar/blue collar; working or welfare, etc.

When I became a mother I instantly became a member of a multiracial family. I didn’t think much of it at the time – I was a new Mama falling in love with a precious bundle of joy. I knew I could pretty much love any child with whom God blessed me – period. Thankfully, that was true. However, I didn’t fully comprehend how others would classify/judge my family and/or me specifically.

In the past year, I’ve become aware of the sociological concept of cognitive dissonance – a theory that says it is normal to need to make sense of things that seemingly don’t make sense. That doesn’t always make it easy for those who are members of the family that “doesn’t make sense” to the average onlooker. The Mama bear in me worries about the impact on my kids.

Reading the chapters this week I am reminded that others have traveled this journey before and God had a mighty plan. I think of “Rahab the prostitute” and “Ruth the Moabitess” – “…one for her sin and the other for her heritage (Rahab).” p. 109

We get that at our house too. Well, not actually in our house but when we exit our house and enter a world where people need things to fit together. Here are the looks and comments we’ve received:

- Lesbian women who have adopted kids.
- White woman who sleeps around (One child is biracial black/white and the other is Puerto Rican. In general white people don’t notice this but black people do.)
- Oh, a white woman I could date (from black men)
- Black man’s baby mama (another white woman left by a black man)
- A white woman trying to take the black men (from a black woman)
- My child can’t play with your 2-year old child because she’s black (seriously, that has happened!)

OK, can these be anymore stereotypical? I didn't make this stuff up!

Just to let you know, we are:
- two white single Christian women – not lovers but rather SISTERS!;
- child with two parents (child of divorce);
- child with a mother (no father at all – yes this is possible);
- a sister who has stepped up and agreed to be an actively involved support network.
Yes, adoption was involved.

Our family is a middle class family with a college educated working professional mother. But, people try to classify us to fit into their preconceived molds. They are often wrong in their assumptions.

What gives me reassurance is that although judged by their behaviors and their race/ethnicity/heritage, God had a large plan for Rahab and Ruth – to be great, great….grandmothers to the Savior of the world!

I’m pretty sure that God has a unique and wonderful plan for our family too – even if/despite the fact that world spends so much time trying to figure us out. Go family!

My point: If your family doesn’t fit the “typical family mold”, remember Rahab and Ruth!

??

I must admit that this week, I am having a difficult time writing. Why? Rahab appeals to me. She reminds me of myself in many ways (no, I'm NOT a prostitute!) and that results in a unique challenge in my writing.

So, here is what I came up with:
1. Grace - I have been saved by grace - the same grace that weird, stinky, unique, "different" people can be and have been saved by grace...but why do we still judge?

2. Faith - I have an incredible faith. I know God is in charge and I can't recall too many times when this has been shaken...One that stands out is a situation that surrounded the adoption of one of my children. (I must protect this information and not share all of the details in such a public forum in order to protect my child's privacy.) Let's just say that the thought of losing a child that you've raised for a period of time due to an unforeseen legal glitch can shake your faith - even just for a moment. In this specific situation, I really wanted to lie to protect this child but in the end told the truth. God was faithful - yet again revealing a mini-snapshot of all that he provides for us! My faith in Him reconfirmed once again and I am grateful that we did not become one of those families handing over a child to his/her birth family live on national TV! Thank you, Lord!

3. Commitment - I tend to be a pretty committed person (at work - I'm mission driven; at home - I'm committed even if others aren't; in church...hmmmm....maybe that is a place where I can use some help.) Seems I've been "church shopping" for a little too long...Been there? Yeah, I think I need to commit.

4. Courage - Cognitive dissonance is a psycho-social concept that I recently studied. This is when there are inconsistencies between one thing and another (e.g., single white woman with two children of minority race (different at that) ... um, can she be a Christian? Can she live a Godly life? Boy, does she "get around"...

I must admit that it takes courage to live this life. Thankfully, God has granted me abundant courage and although I often have to take a deep breath and let things go because our family doesn't "fit" the traditional mold, I have been blessed by courage.
Now, my real fears come from: fire & eye inquiries.

5. Obedience - Now you've hit the nail on the head. I sometimes have challenges in being obedient to God's will. You? Specifically, I am somewhat intolerant of incompetence; drives me a little nutty. Sometimes I say things I later regret. For this I need to remind myself to obey God's command to love one another - even when others perform below my expectations! :(


I wish for you: grace, faith, commitment, courage and obedience. May you be committed to welcoming people who don't fit the traditional mold into your world (work, home, church congregation, play group, athletic team, coffee break, etc...) God has offered both of you grace; you have something in common even if it doesn't appear so on the outside. Be obedient to his command - love one another (and keep reminding me of this too!).

Be brave.
Be loving.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

The Princess Myth

A Princess??

Princess according to Miriam Webster:
a female member of a royal family ; especially: a daughter or granddaughter of a sovereign

I’m going to get on a little soap box for a minute
(those outspoken types can do that from time to time – story for another post). Here goes...

I have always had a problem with the whole princess concept. Parents sometimes call their daughters Princess, they tell them they are princesses and Disney makes millions (maybe billions) on the idea of the Princess (and the Prince).

Honestly, it makes me sick. Very few people on the face of this Earth are princesses (seriously, we could count them up)...or so I thought. To me the idea of teaching my daughter that she is a princess is like saying: the world revolves around you honey – get used to it! Well, that isn’t true. [Myth]

A household does often revolve around a new baby – at least initially. Families that never move beyond spending every waking minute telling the child she is perfect and a princess becomes, in my opinion, dysfunctional. Child = center. Child gets disappointed. Parents (and others) work harder to let child know she is the center of the universe. Child grows up and realizes it was all a lie. Child (now adult) is waiting for handouts and for someone to fix her problems. How do I know this? I work with adult students at a university and many of them suffer from this experience.

When I think about a princess I think about people in training to become the queen. Queens sit on thrones (at least in my head). Princesses look pretty, wear nice things, comb their hair and live a self-centered existence (check out Disney). They don’t have or respect their mothers. They are selfish.

Now I must admit that I was never a girly-girl. My sister was but I wasn’t. I did do ballet and tap for many years, enjoyed crafts and wore braids and a few dresses. However, I loved to collect worms (and scare my mother), swing from ropes, play in the creek, ski, camp and more. My girliest interest: Strawberry Shortcake and her clan.

I am so thankful my mother didn’t raise me to be a princess in the traditional sense (sit around, expect doting, and wait for the knight in shining armor – another princess-associated myth that brings heartbreak after heartbreak for many teenage and adult-age women).

As the mother of a 3 year old daughter, I’ve realized how difficult it is to shield my child from this whole Disney/pop-culture princess deal. Some GOOD NEWS (an a-ha moment) occurred in the last year when a Christian mom of three (including one daughter) pointed out that all Christian girls/women are all daughters of THE KING – The King of kings. That by definition makes us princesses. [Myth Buster]

After pondering this for a while, I realized that I could let go of some of the anti-princess approach I’d been taking. Instead, I focused my attention on promoting the following with my daughter:
a. Becoming a daughter of the King (salvation)
b. Living like Jesus (the Prince of Peace)
c. Being a Princess who serves others (versus just looking pretty while being waited on/spoiled rotten by others)

Now some of you might read this and think I was off the deep end – princesses are a part of every little girl’s life but honestly, this concept DID NOT work for my family. Sorry. Now armed with the new princess focused on loving God (King), loving Jesus (Prince) and loving others (the commoner) I have semi-embraced this approach for my daughter being a Princess.

Perhaps this will help her to avoid so much heartache from expecting too much from others and waiting for a guy to come along and rescue her. (It must be a difficult a challenge for those guys - being a Prince and meeting the needs of his Princess??)

Think about it…helping girls to grow up to become women with at least one less area of misunderstanding in their own lives.

My daughter seeing herself as the daughter of the King (a princess) – wow! That sounds great and is really the most important role we have as Christian parents (stewards of the children with whom God has blessed us)!

Other revelations:
-I am a Princess (as much as that use to turn my stomach)...a daughter of the King
-My son is a Prince, a son of the King of kings

Go, take this “new” role and live as a child of God by showing love to the Commoner. And, no matter what mistakes you have made (like Tamar), you can still be used by God. Keep your intensions pure and He will use you - even if you are ill-equipped or have repeatedly made poor choices (as evidenced in my own life!).

Go, love your King by loving others. Be ready to be used in a mighty way by the King of kings...you Princess (or Prince).

A Prince!

(overalls and all - ready to work alongside his Princess sister!)

(In case you were wondering, these are my children:

G just turned 3 yrs. & Z is 21 months.)

Kindness & a Stand Up Freezer

Kindness –
Isn’t it pretty easy to be kind to people who are kind to you? I think so. I think the difficulty with kindness comes when others are less than kind or nice.

I was raised by a wonderful mother. She took me to church, loved me, and spent endless hours encouraging learning, service and more. As a single mom, I saw her support our family and do household chores that a dad would have managed in many two-parent families.

For better or worse, her example instilled in me a sense of responsibility and self-reliance. She also encouraged us to advocate for justice. While those characteristics can be good in some situations they can also be challenging in others.

Justice can be viewed as kind but if not handled correctly, it can be an arrogant approach to “making one’s point”, “having the last word”, or “getting what you deserve.”

I have struggled with the fine balance between the two most of my adult life and have probably been less kind in certain situations than Christ would desire. Well, I had one of those experiences this morning:

If you hadn’t picked up on it yet, I’m an avid ‘yard saler’.
Why? I’m committed to using resources wisely, I love the thrill of the hunt and well, I just like getting out by myself on Saturday mornings when my sister is usually with my kids. The only other activity I can come up with on Saturday mornings at 630 am is the gym and well – no. I also get awesome deals.

This morning, I went to a sale where there was a standup freezer for $30. I could tell it was in great shape, from a good home and would fit perfectly in my garage. I spoke to the owner (who was actually the neighbor of the yard sale hosts) and confirmed that I wanted to buy it but would pay all together once I’d shopped their entire sale. She acknowledged this agreement. When her husband arrived in the driveway, I confirmed this agreement.

I went on to shop for items for sale by the homeowners – nice little boy clothes for my son, a business suit in my size for $5, new designer shoes still in the box for $1, etc.

Time lapse – Less than 5 minutes; Distance traveled – 8 feet:
I was having a nice conversation with the homeowner when I turned around to see the owner of the freezer loading it onto a hand truck. I asked: “Where is the freezer going?” I just sold it.

Gut reaction: “WHAT the @)#$(#*@)$*? You just agreed to sell it to me. That is a tacit agreement – legally binding. You liar. Don’t you stand by your word? What are you teaching your kids?”

Actual response: Thankfully, I didn’t actually say any of those things. I responded with: “Oh, I thought we agreed that I would buy it.” I heard a big sigh from the owner of the home and her other friend. In that moment, I was so thankful for their presence – they reminded me in the next instant my need to be like Christ and that it ISN’T about:
-me getting what I want
-me making a point

In inhaled and walked across the driveway to regroup. Honestly, I was ticked. But with the help of the Lord, I was able to let go of the desire for self-promotion, justice, making my point and getting my way (or even just having the last word). In that moment, I knew it was more important to be an example to the two other women in the driveway – the women I’d been talking with for ~5 minutes.

The freezer made its way on the hand truck to its new owners. I was able to be kind and an example – a light in the world.

When I told my Mom she responded with “You’ll get a better one” and then went on to: "I can’t believe you didn’t explain a tacit agreement and the nature of it – legally binding!" Inside, that is exactly how I’d wanted to respond but instead I let it go. I avoided having the last word. I was kind when someone else wasn’t.

For me, that is the side of kindness that is so much more challenging than giving to the needy, finding ways to help others, etc. Being kind and showing grace in challenging times and with challenging people and letting my selfishness go is more important (and difficult). But for the Grace of God Go I....

Kindness - its a great option! Difficult - yes. Great - yes.

Intent?

I suggested the topic of purity and I must admit that I’ve had a difficult time knowing what to write.

The one word that keeps running through my mind is: intent.

So, here is what I think I’m hearing from the Lord:
Scripture: Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. – 2 Timothy 2:22

Honestly, living a life of purity wasn’t even on my radar screen until my late 20s. I used to be very flirtatious, pursue getting things (mostly position vs. material possessions) that weren’t necessarily Godly, and be with friends when I needed them for something instead of when they might need me, etc.

So, I think about flirting. Why do people flirt? Sex? Thrill? To lure? Socially acceptable? Something to do? Not sure what else to do? Like the feeling? All of these reasons are the “intent” for ones actions. None of those reasons appear pure.

God’s design for us is either singlehood or one partner for life – a spouse. If you are really looking for a spouse, I’m not sure flirting is God’s design for us to pursue a relationship of this magnitude.

So, I ask you: Why do you do what you do (and this could mean in how you approach your job, volunteerism, child rearing, friendships, your marriage, etc.)?

• Volunteer: Do you volunteer to help others because they need it and you've been called to do so or do you volunteer because it makes you feel good?
• Argue: Do you argue to get your way because you want to be right or should you take another approach to respond the way Jesus would have responded – directly but lovingly?
• Prayer: Do you pray without ceasing for God to give you want you want or that you want a certain thing but will accept His answer even if it differs from your want? I think: Thine will be done vs. My will or I'll rage!
• Friends: Do you support your friends or just use them when convenient for you?
• Spouse: Why do you seek a spouse so intently? Are you trying to cover up feelings of loneliness?
• Marriage: Do you behave in your marriage in the ways outlined by God. For women, do you hold out on sex to control situations? Do you cry, grumble or scream to get what you want? Or, do you honor your husband, support him, show respect and demonstrate love?
• Parenting: Do you approach parenting from a Godly way or do you position yourself with your children with this attitude: I’m bigger and wiser and I’m going to make you do what I want vs. there are some really important things we need to work on so that you grow up to be a wise person who lives with self-control, honesty, integrity, love, peace, etc. It’s my job to guide you and correct you so that you will end up with a good heart.

What is your intent at home, work, socially, in relationships? Do you send mixed messages?

Here are some guidelines to follow as you reflect on purity (the intent of your actions):

1. Pray that impurities in your life will be revealed to you.
2. Identify the sin.
3. Embrace God’s love for you and ask Him to forgive your impure/sinful ways.
4. Take steps to stop your behavior (tell a friend about your behavior, change your environment, repair broken relationships)
5. Follow God’s ways – do the right things.
6. Be accountable (have a friend keep tabs on your actions; record your improvement)

God desires us to use our words and actions to pursue His desires for our lives and not to just do X to get Y using tactics that are less than ideal.

May you feel the love of God as you pursue correcting the impurities in your life. He WILL forgive you and the rewards will be great!

Income & Expenses

This is a long post but there are THREE good ideas in here...

In 1oth grade, I took accounting with Mr. Doran. I learned about the two sides of the income statement (or was it the balance sheet). Anyway, the two main points I have retained from that class are: Income & Expenses. How do these apply to my household?

Expenses: Here are two things that I’ve done to save hundreds of dollars:

· #2: I just joined Couponsense (after going to a short orientation class last Saturday). Coupons have never been my thing (I'm not that organized). However, after seeing women on the news buying $100 worth of groceries for $1, I explored it and found that I could save $300-500 a month on food and supplies (including diapers for two).

Check it out: couponsense.com.

(The best part organizationally is that I don't have to actually clip the coupons until it is time to go shopping and they tell me where to buy what based on sales and coupons.)

Here is how it works: (Overall approach: match your coupons to store sales)

a. Organize coupons so you can find them when the sale starts (perhaps weeks after the newspaper publishes the coupons). Coupons last for 4-6 months.

b. Get the coupons each week and store them in a hanging file folder. Buy three papers and get three sets of coupons! (Couponsense even has a deal with the Arizona Republic to get extra Sunday papers for 75 cents each-just so you can get additional sets of coupons.)

c. Use the couponsense website to create a grocery list (They'll tell you what is on sale where and what coupons you have saved from the Sunday paper. They cover 13 stores in AZ. This may mean you need to shop more than one store to get the best deals. You can opt only one store if you want.)

d. Get the matching coupons from your hanging file folders (the website tells you which coupon is in which coupon packet in your hanging file folders).

e. Shop and save.

Example:
Couponsense tells you:
a) X-grocery store is having a sale on toothpaste (regularly $2 and on sale for $1) AND

b) You have a 50 cent coupon for toothpaste in your hanging folder.

You go to the store, which happens to double coupons and buy the toothpaste for $1. You turn in a 50 cent coupon from your hanging file folder system, which is valued at $1 (store doubles the coupon).

You get the item for FREE!

Seriously, that is how it works.

I tried it out last week: matching coupons to sale items and got shampoo and conditioner for free at Walgreens (I had to pay sales tax only). Um, yeah....I could handle this - as long as they do the organizing.

I'm going to try it for the spring. They said that you can really see a difference in your grocery bill by week 6. As long as they organize it and I save, I'll keep going!

(The ladies at the class said they no longer pay for toothpaste, toothbrushes, deodorant, etc...they ALWAYS have coupons to match to sales = free!).

Also, there are so many things that I can get for free that even if I don't use that specific product, it is an easy way to collect items for free to donate to food banks or other charitable causes.

Cost for this program: $14/month for couponsense ($4 for 1st month) and ~$10+ a month for the paper. So, if I save at least $24, I can keep going. My goal, save $300+.

· #1 – I’m buying used clothes. Honestly, I’ve always done this. This might sound crazy (and it probably is) but I’ve always felt that once used, clothes have a story. Some other kid wore these shorts and they went certain places and did certain things and now my kid is wearing them and doing things. I know, strange. I digress.

I recently purchased an entire wardrobe for my son for $14 at a garage sale in my neighborhood (less shoes). For shoes, I exchanged some of my kids' outgrown clothes for shoes at a used clothing store (Kid to Kid if you are in the Phoenix area). My cost: gas to drive the 5 miles.

Seriously, $14 for a case of little boy clothes and shoes. Cute stuff. Gap, Old Navy, Gymboree, Children's Place, etc. That is savings in the hundreds of dollars.

Summary: SAVE wherever you can! The money is God's so commit to using His resources wisely.

Income:
OK, I know we covered the Proverbs 31 woman for 2 weeks (14 posts) but I have to bring her into this discussion. Verse 24 says that “She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.”

I interpret this to mean that she is resourceful. She was running a home-based business. She used her knowledge and abilities to produce something. Then, she was able to use her skills to get people to buy her products (individuals and other businesses). That is industrious!

I have had a photography business for ~5 years now. I primarily photograph high school seniors and infants. I guess that I’m industrious in that I have had a good amount of people purchase prints!

My example? My mom sews. She recently pulled out the ole machine and some thread and started making aprons for kids, bibs, blankets and bean bag sets – to sell to parents and daycares. That is industrious!

Summary-
Income: Does God desire you to explore bringing in extra cash to support your household? What could you do? $100 extra a month? $200, more? A product or a service? Where are your talents? Could you use your God-given abilities to help support your family in different ways?

Expenses: Be industrious. Be resourceful. Be creative. (Plus you might just enjoy the journey…the thrill of the hunt for good deals!)

,..And you might meet some incredible people along the way. I have!


Thanks, Mr. Doran…It really is about balance: income and expenses in this case! And from a Biblical perspective it is about using what God has given us both wisely and for His glory. That is - time, talents, money, physical resources, etc.

Fear?

- verse 30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Let me share something with you: I've never understood the concept of "Fear the Lord".
In the post this week, I've focused on Fearing the Lord. I took some time this week to learn more about this somewhat foreign topic (at least to me!).

Question: What does it mean to "fear the Lord"?
Summary of what I discovered this week:

There are two main definitions for the ‘fear’ in ‘Fear the Lord’ that I’ll summarize into 2 words:
a) terror
b) respect

Thankfully, I’ve never felt terror when thinking about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Nope, never. I think that might be reserved for unbelievers (but I’m not 100% sure).

I can think of so many times I have not lived as God would desire -when I've made bad financial decisions (with His money), wasted time (the time He's given me), when I've said unkind words and so much more. However, as a believer, I have been and continue to seek to be respectful of God and that means that I continue to seek a life that honors God.

Why fear (respect) the Lord? When we are respectful, we:
· Listen
· Seek clarity
· Seek to make the best decisions possible

When we lack respect we tend to focus on our own impulses and often make foolish choices resulting in decisions with poor results.

What does it look like? A daily or perhaps hourly prayer like this:

Oh Lord, hear my plea. I am very tempted to do things my way. I keep thinking that “the end with justify the means.” In my heart, I know that this isn’t true, but in my head…well, I just want this so much!

Instead, I pray that You will fill my heart with a trust and respect for You beyond what I can even imagine. Please give me the desire to do what is right, what you have instructed…to ask for what I desire but to be patient in waiting for your response and for respecting your decision. Help me to respect all of the guidelines you’ve given to me…help me to respect you each moment of each day – in speech, attitude and action. Help me to turn away from the things that I know are wrong. Amen.

Some things are always ‘wrong’ (Ten Commandments) while other things are more subtle or in the "gray-zone" as I like to say. Example: Is taking a vacation “wrong”? I don’t think so – usually. The Bible instructs that we need times of rest. However, it may be ‘wrong’ if we are not living within our means and go in debt for that vacation.

So, what does a life with respect (fear) of the Lord really look like?
· Living within your means

· Speaking kindly and gently to others versus spouting out unkind words to ‘make your point’ (wrong approach) – OK, this is sometimes difficult for me!

· Waiting instead of PUSHING, Pushing, pushing to achieve personal desires.
If you know that what you are pursuing is what God would desire, pursue and advocate if necessary (i.e., when the system challenges the Godly pursuit). But, avoid making doors open to get what you want when you know that God would rather you wait – or perhaps He’s already said “No!”

· Saying “I’m sorry”.

· Sharing – your time and our stuff.
I’m good at sharing stuff but I need to work on better use of my time!

· Spending time learning more about God.

If you respect Him, follow through by listening and seeking clarity.
How? Read your Bible, talk to God (prayer) and perhaps seek advice from other Christians.

I’ll pray for you: that you will be in fear of the Lord…that you will develop a respect for the Lord your God…that your attitudes, words and actions will demonstrate this respect (fear).

How, not what

I spend a lot of time thinking about goals & outcomes, legacy and purpose. I am sure in my writings here on this blog I will revisit these topics:
· What is my purpose in life?
· What is my legacy – what will pass from me to others – now or upon my death?
· What are my goals and what should my goals look like?

These thoughts come down to one fundamental question: Am I living my one God-given life focused on the right things? There is no dress-rehearsal for life. This is it! So, am I using my life as I should? What does God say about this?

I think that Proverbs 31 gives Christian women of all walks and phases of life a description of what our lives should look like. Proverbs 31 is the “how I should live”. Other places in the Bible describe purpose (for a quick study on that topic, see Rick Warren’s the Purpose Driven Life). Proverbs 31 is not about purpose but rather about how I should live my life (according to God’s design).

Let me give some examples of the characteristics embodied in God’s design for women:
· Trustworthy
· Industrious; uses her hands for good
· Prepared; anticipates and prepares for hard times
· Hard worker; business woman
· Fit; presentable in appearance
· Seeks quality
· Helps poor & needy
· Independent; supportive
· Wise
· Kind in speech
· Respected by those close to her and in her community
· Loves God (this should probably be #1!)

Some have said that the Proverbs 31 woman is “out of date” and “not relevant” in contemporary life. Based on some of the qualities listed here, I’d beg to differ. I think these qualities are very applicable to the modern woman – whether a single woman, a stay-at-home mother, a working woman or an ‘mature’ woman. This passage does not say all women need to stay home, take care of their children/home school and sew while their husbands work – although that is acceptable too! This passage focuses on HOW women should live in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. It does not focus on the current debate of where women should spend their days. This is “how”, not “what”!

I personally revisit this passage often – to remind me HOW I should be living. I will be honest and say I struggle with living by this design. For example: Being Fit. Um, yeah. I guess I could use the standard ‘I’m too busy’ excuse. I am raising two toddlers as a single mother, keeping a household going, working, paying bills, volunteering, attending to my family and friends, etc. However, when I come back to Proverbs 31, I recognize that God has the best perspective for my life. If I’m not healthy (fit), how will I continue to fulfill all of the other roles He has for me – long term. I know this in my head. I understand it and yet I still struggle with it.

It is comforting to know that my Creator does indeed have the best in mind for me. Now, I need His strength in living it! If I live in His design, my questions about legacy will be answered. He’s designed these characteristics to be a central part of the legacy I will pass along to others – specifically to my children.

Next week I’ll comment on other struggles from HOW we should live our lives as daughters of the King of Kings even though it isn’t always easy.

Women – Spend some time reading this Proverbs 31. Reflect on it. Pray that God will reveal the deeper meanings of this passage to you and help you to apply them to your life – where you are today and where you are going. Don’t become overwhelmed by this passage. It’s the Bible. It’s all good. But, this passage was written for us!

Men – I’d encourage you to seek this in women, help your wife develop these characteristics, nurture your daughters in these ways and teach your sons to seek a wife with these qualities.